


Awaken

by Hyrulehearts1123, sageclover61



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Agender Raphael (Supernatural), Amnesia, Archangels, Asexual Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester is a good brother, Healer Raphael (Supernatural), Michael (Supernatural) is a good brother, Monster of the Week, Other, Panromantic Sam Winchester, Post-Season/Series 05 AU, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyrulehearts1123/pseuds/Hyrulehearts1123, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageclover61/pseuds/sageclover61
Summary: In a desperate attempt to stop the apocalypse, Sam Winchester leapt into The Cage, dragging with him two Archangels. However, The Cage was not built to hold a human soul, and he was delivered unto the rest that he had earned. That is, until he was torn away, and thrust back into the world that he had made the ultimate sacrifice to defend. But there are more than just two archangels, and one of them will do whatever it takes to find the one who was stolen from them.
Relationships: Raphael/Sam Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47
Collections: Asexual Supernatural Mini Bang 2020





	Awaken

**Author's Note:**

> This is our Supernatural Ace Mini Bang 2020 contribution!
> 
> Major thanks to our awesome artist, shealynn88! Her art can be found here:
> 
> (https://64.media.tumblr.com/b6d047c24a2348d5e288a2d8ebd73626/02346ca14c98d246-f0/s1280x1920/08e1b0a3a79c765d6e9031d45cf357404fb0228e.jpg) Go check it out!
> 
> Title from the dystopian novel I think we're living in, Awaken by katie kacvinsky.

_ It was a partially cloudy night, with a full blood moon acting as the main source of light. There were some stars, twinkling as stars do, but their light was dim. _

_ It was warm, not hot. Sam knew it was late spring, but he didn't know how he could know that. He was on a winding path in a forest, and in the distance he could hear water tumbling through rapids and splashing against rocks. He didn't think it was a waterfall, but it could have been. _

_ Something was watching him, but he didn't feel frightened by it. Instead, he felt safe. _

_ A moment later, he knew why. _

_ "Happy birthday, My Everything." The feminine lilt was more than familiar, but he couldn't place it. _

_ Sam smiled, but didn't turn around to face them. "Thank you, Moonlight," he answered, his own voice hard to recognize. "All this, for me? You didn't have to." _

_ There was a soft laugh, and he wanted nothing more than to make sure it never stopped. Part of him wanted to turn around, look at their face, but he remained motionless. _

_ "Of course," they said, almost placating. "But I wanted to. Do you like it? There's a picnic for us, somewhere up ahead." _

_ "I would have been happy with dinner anywhere, but this is beautiful, and I love it." He looked up, and closed his eyes for a moment to inhale the scent of stale petrichor and fresh trees. "I love you," he whispered as a hand took his and a kiss was pressed to his neck. Still he didn't look at them. _

_ They hadn’t walked very far before Sam could see the river, brightly illuminated by the full moon. The red color from the sky gave the water a slightly burnished tint that Sam loved. _

_ Walking hand in hand with his loved one, Sam didn’t want this moment to ever end. “Thank you for this.” He felt the hint of an urgency he couldn’t explain, but it wasn’t relevant. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. _

_ “You’re so welcome, My Everything.” _

_ There was something about the nickname he was sure was supposed to be important,  _ significant,  _ but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember. It would be more significant if he could recall who they were, perhaps. _

_ Sam had been right about the rapids of the river, but further on ahead, he could also see a waterfall. It was a small waterfall, more shining mist than heavy flow of water. Beneath it, there was an old wood and vine bridge. It did not look like it would hold their weight, but Sam knew it would. He was safe. Would always be safe. _

_ “Where are we going?” he asked. His own voice still sounded unfamiliar, but the tone was casual. Unworried. Interested, but uncaring about the answer. _

_ “It’s a surprise,” they answered. It was not unexpected. He suspected it was something the feminine voice had said to him on more than one occasion. He wished he could remember them all. _

_ But he would remember this one. _

_ They walked down the path beside the waterfall, and stepped out onto the bridge Sam had eyed from above. He had been correct about it not being unsafe, despite the fact that from even closer, it very much appeared to be a rickety old thing. _

_ The grip on his hand tightened, but he knew from instinct that they were not afraid. ‘Moonlight’ had nothing to fear from this.  _ He had nothing to fear from this.

_ “We’re almost there,” they said, a promise he knew they intended to keep. _

_ He wasn’t so sure he wanted to arrive. Could they not just stand here forever? It was so peaceful here. _

_ Another gentle kiss was pressed to his neck, and Sam realized that he had stopped walking. “We’re not there yet,” they chided lightly. “Don’t you want to see the feast I prepared?” _

_ “Is this not a feast?” Sam asked. “I could stand here with you forever and it would be no hardship.” _

_ “I wish more of your kind had such an appreciation for the things we created, but it is no matter. This will exist so long as I do, and I would be happy to continue sharing it with you.” _

_ With a nod, he continued walking, and soon they had entered the cavern behind the waterfall. _

_ A feast had indeed been laid out for them. Golden candelabras adorned the edges of the cave, and a woven blanket in soft greens and golds was spread out in the middle of the ground. Sam could tell without even touching it that it would feel like a cloud spun from silk and fleece. He would likely never again touch anything so smooth and soft, but that was okay. He was here with  _ his  _ Moonlight, and there was nothing more special than that. _

_ “Do you like it?” Moonlight asked. _

_ He didn’t look directly at them, but he looked to the side just enough to see the hem of their white robe. They were barefoot. _

They were always barefoot.  _ He remembered that now. _

_ “I love it,” he whispered, so quietly there was no echo from the cave. “Thank you for this.” _

_ “I’m not done yet.” They tugged on his hand, drawing him forward until they were both standing in the center of the blanket. “I have a present for you. But first, we should eat.” _

_ “What food did you bring?” he asked. There was nothing on the blanket. _

_ “What food would you prefer?” _

_ Sam tilted his head, but he did not have an answer. Food had always been food. In the end, it did not turn out that he needed one. _

_ “No, don’t answer that. I already know the answer.” _

_ They waved their hand in front of them, and bowls and baskets of food appeared around the border of the woven blanket. The baskets were all woven wicker baskets, and the bowls were plated silver or made of ceramic, depending on whether the contents were hot or cold. _

_ There were also ceramic plates. _

_ Terracotta in a burnished orange.  _ Moonlight’s favorite color _ , and one he also found aesthetically pleasing. _

_ There was more food than he could have eaten in a lifetime, but it didn’t matter. He knew no food would go to waste. Moonlight would not allow it. _

_ Everything that was not designed to be served cold was steaming, fresh from an oven somewhere. He took a fresh baked dinner roll, already buttered, and tasted it. The texture was flaky, not too dry. He couldn’t imagine a better tasting piece of bread entering his mouth. _

_ He was still holding Moonlight’s hand, and while he didn’t want to let go, he also really wanted to share this with them. So he let their hand fall, only long enough to tear the roll in two and give them one of the halves. “Try this,” he insisted. _

_ He still wasn’t looking at them, but he could feel their smile as they brought it to their mouth and tasted. “This is delicious,” they agreed. _

_ Sam smiled, and eyed what other food had been provided. All the vessels were full to overflowing, but nothing spilled. There were various freshly picked salad ingredients, still wet, some platters of various meats, meat and cheese samplers, bowls of fruit and vegetables, as well as some choices of soups and chilis, and pastas. _

_ He wasn’t sure what to try first, but then something caught his eye. One of the platters held a Salmon fillet and he could smell the aroma of lemon garnish. He had to try it, so with his free hand he pulled off a piece and put it in his mouth. _

_ He loved it. It was rich and moist, with a buttery texture. The lemon added a minor tang and he found himself reaching for another piece. _

_ “Try this,” he found himself repeating. _

_ Sam closed his eyes and leaned against Moonlight. They were taller than he was and he smiled as they kissed him deeply. _

_ They tasted like Spring. Peppermint, and honey, and a hint of citrus. _

_ “I love you,” they whispered. Sam leaned back, looking down as he opened his eyes to study how well Moonlight’s hand fit into his own. _

_ “I love you more,” Sam whispered.  _ It was true,  _ he realized. He had never  _ felt  _ so much love before. _

_ They kissed his forehead as he traced their palm with his other hand. “I love you most. You’re the only reason I still exist.” _

_ Sam swallowed thickly, knowing they believed every word they’d uttered. He believed it, too. But how could one love another with every fiber of their essence? _

They just did.

_ He grabbed a grape from the closest bowl of fruit and shoved it in Moonlight’s mouth before he had to come up with an adequate response. _

_ Moonlight laughed, and he laughed too, and then led them in the direction of something else that had looked appetizing. _

_ There was a bottle of no sweetener added, mango strawberry juice, and he wanted to taste it. Dean never got him his favorite things to drink. Never enough spare change, never enough inclination. _

_ He opened it, tasted it with a small sip. “Thank you,” he said. It didn’t matter that it was over something so small. It mattered  _ to him _. _

_ “Anything for you, My Everything.” They reached for something just out of his sight. “Will you taste these?” _

_ “Of course.” Sam opened his mouth as his Moonlight fed him a piece of cubed summer sausage and then some cheeses cubed the same way. “Those were good,” he said, once he’d chewed and swallowed them, and had a few more sips of juice. _

_ He pressed closer to them, and they hugged him. “What would you like to eat next?” _

_ “Share a salad with me?” _

_ “Of course.” _

_ They served some of the fresh salad into a bowl for him, and then they sat in the middle of the blanket to eat it. _

_ There was a kettle with a lightly spiced tea in it, which Sam could tell from the scent, so he poured a little bit into two little teacups, one for each of them. _

_ The two of them ate the salad and drank the tea, and made little small talk as they listened to the sound of the waterfall flowing over the top of the cave. _

_ “I love it here,” Sam said as he sipped his tea. “Moonlight, I don’t want to leave.” _

_ “You don’t have to,” Moonlight answered. “You’re more than welcome to stay here forever.” _

_ “I’d like that.” He wanted it a lot. Almost more than anything. _

_ Sam looked away, and he noticed that there were several bottles of wine within reach, along with a basket of small wine tasting glasses. _

_ “Would you like some wine? I selected a few different ones,” they said when they saw where he was looking. _

_ "Sure.” He already knew he’d like whatever Moonlight selected for him. _

_ He couldn’t see the bottle, but they poured a little bit into two of the tasting glasses and handed it to him. _

_ “Thanks,” he said, and then took a sip. Sweet, but not too sweet. He liked it, but he already knew he would because his Moonlight knew him just that well. _

_ Sam leaned against Moonlight as they both drank their glasses of wine. _

_ “What would make this evening even better?” Moonlight asked. _

_ “Nothing could,” Sam answered honestly. There was something  _ missing _ , but he couldn’t identify it and it didn’t matter because this was perfect. He put the empty wine glass down and shifted so his head was in their lap. He was tired, so tired. Exhausted in an inexplicable bone deep way. _

_ “Nothing? You’re sure?” _

_ Sam shook his head. “Just… hold me?” There was just the barest flicker of memory there, but he grasped it mentally, as if with two hands, and would not let it go. “Yours are the best cuddles in the world.” _

_ The hint of memory he’d caught collaborated the truth behind his words, but he didn’t need them. He already knew it was the truth. _

_ The  _ archangel  _ pressed a kiss against his forehead. “We’ve had a lot of practice.” _

_ Something was missing. Some detail. But he didn’t care. He closed his eyes, shifting to find a more comfortable spot as the little spoon. “We have,” he nodded. “How many years now?” _

_ The answer didn’t come to him, and if Moonlight answered, he didn’t hear it. He inhaled, and exhaled again. Stale petrichor and fresh trees. Some things you never forgot. _

_ His eyes flew open and the hand not still holding their hand flew to his neck as he met their gaze, stared into their brown eyes with blue grace. _

_ A silver band hung from a necklace around his neck. But the ring wasn’t made of a mortal metal. It was made of a Celestial Silver his  _ mate  _ had forged for him. He remembered that now. _

_ Into the ring, there was a word etched in a beautiful caligraphy, in no alphabet humans could read. He hadn’t been able to read it in too long, but he could read it now. His Moonlight's true name. _

“Raphael,” he whispered, hoarsely, but with his own tongue, for the first time in far too long.  _ “Raphael.” _

Sam blinked until the memory turned Djinn dream faded away into the bleak abandoned hospital the creature had brought him to. He was bleeding from the neck and the creature was holding him in its lap like a grotesque version of the comfort his  _ mate  _ had given him so freely, and he did not have the strength to fight it.

He almost didn’t want to. The wall Castiel had left in his brain was gone. The djinn had carefully dismantled it for him. The best illusion of the perfect life was  **truth** . The wall had not blocked “years” or “centuries” of torture, as Castiel had claimed and Dean had believed. He had never been in the cage at all. They’d cheated him out of the life he had  _ chosen,  _ no tricks, no deceit, no lies.

The amulet around his own neck was a marriage vow. They’d erased  _ five years of his life _ . The best five years of his entire left.

“What did I do wrong?” the djinn asked,  _ petting him _ . “You were so happy, so content. You want those five years of your life back? Just close your eyes.”

“ _ Raphael _ ,” he repeated, begged,  _ prayed _ . Raphael would have looked for him, wouldn’t they have? The war with Castiel that hadn’t started until his soul had been returned to his body,  _ that had to be Raphael looking, right _ ?

There was a bright flash of light, brighter than anything his eyes could have handled, if not for the ring around his neck, protecting him.

In an instant, the djinn was smote into nonexistent matter, and his  _ mate  _ had replaced the sickening creature. “My Everything,” they cooed into his ear. “ _ You’re okay _ .”

Sam sobbed into Raphael’s chest, and the archangel pulled him close, held him, rocked him and whispered soothing nothings about how everything would be okay.

The image transposed itself with the true memory of Raphael holding him close in the cave as they’d quietly celebrated their marriage, and the dream version of the same celebration that had focused on his birthday and not the bond they shared.

He closed his eyes, content in the knowledge that he would wake up to this again.

* * *

###  6 weeks earlier.

He woke up to tears streaming down his face, though he could only place part of the why. The barest remnants of his dreams remained, but he'd been happy. Deep down, there was a longing he couldn't place.

He was alone in the double bed, and there was something wrong about that.

The worst thing was, he couldn't remember anything since he had jumped into the cage.

"How are you feeling?"

Sam sat up. His brother was sitting on the other bed, tying his shoes, but beyond that, they were alone in the room.

His mouth tasted like peppermint.

"What… happened?" He wiped his face.

"You've been wandering around soulless for two months, but you got pulled out of the Cage. Don't go messing with the wall in your head, it's the only thing preventing your brain from melting."

Something about the cage statement felt wrong to his core, but he nodded anyway. No need to try and push through the wall, whatever that was supposed to be. "What case are you working on?"

He wasn't sure what he wanted more. For Dean to say there was no case because they deserved a break, or for Dean to jump right back in with the next set of deaths to investigate and stop looking at him with so much pity.

Sam wasn’t left waiting too long for an answer because after staring at him for a few more moments with the pity Sam felt there had already been far too much of, he said, “I just finished a hunt and was going to let you rest up a day or two. But if you’d rather go on a hunt, you can find us one while I drive.”

Drive where? He wanted to ask. But he didn’t. Instead, he nodded, and forced his facial expression into a smirk. “You’re on, Jerk.”

“Whatever, Bitch. Into the car.”

It was familiar. It felt  _ wrong  _ but it was still familiar, and Sam appreciated that. Maybe getting back into a routine would help whatever was going on with his head. He didn’t need Dean to worry or angst that he was keeping secrets again. The previous year had been hard enough as it was even without all that, and he didn’t really want to go there again.

They got into the car and he settled the laptop on his lap. He thought about checking his email first, but he decided to wait on that. With his luck, Dean had signed him up for an infinite number of porn related scams while he’d been gone.

He wished that Dean would just stop with trying to hook him up with random strangers, both male and female, in bars. He could appreciate that at least Dean wasn’t homophobic, but he wished he could explain that he just had absolutely no interest in random hookups.   
  
It didn’t help that everyone he’d ever gotten close to or slept with had died afterwards, but he’d found lately that he just had no interest in the pointless hookups Dean seemed to love. He cared more about making an emotional connection with someone than just having sex and he realized he didn’t want any more no-strings-attached one night stands.

He’d have to tell his brother to stop later, but it could also be more trouble than it was worth, with his luck, Dean would decide he was an imposter and put him in a demon trap.  _ Or a ring of holy fire.  _ How was he supposed to explain to Dean that he was demisexual, not pan? Sure, it didn't take much for him to be romantically attracted to someone, maybe that was why Dean thought he was pansexual? But instead, he was panromantic.

He closed the laptop, feeling a sudden wave of nausea, the source of which he couldn’t identify.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

He shook his head to clear it. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thought I felt car sick for a moment there.” He reopened the laptop. “I’m fine.”

“Well, you’d better tell me  _ before  _ you puke on Baby.” The comment did nothing to hide the concerned look Dean shot him, but then Dean was hitting play on the cassette tape and the moment didn’t matter anymore.

Sam decided that maybe checking his email first wasn’t a bad idea, because at least it was a mindless task and he could appear to look busy.

He’d been right about the excess of random porn spam. He’d have to see about a better spam filter later.

He auto deleted most of the thousands of unread emails, unsubscribing and marking most of them as spam with the hope that it would  _ improve  _ the filter settings. (It didn’t, and it never would).

As he was about to check to see if there were any hunt related leads from his contacts, a new email entered his inbox.

_ “A piece of Moonlight seeking their Everything.” _

He swallowed thickly. There was something  _ familiar  _ about it, but again, something didn’t feel right, and he didn’t understand why. He hovered over the email, considered opening it, finding out more about whatever presumptuous individual would use  _ those  _ nicknames, but then he deleted it too.

Maybe he could be someone’s ‘Everything’, someday? He couldn’t have explained it, but something about it sounded  _ right _ . If a bit more  _ brazen  _ than he’d usually prefer a nickname to be.

“Find a hunt yet?” Dean asked.

“Not yet,” he answered. Seeing nothing from his hunting contacts, he closed the tab into his email and opened a new browser. Since they were headed south on I-90, he checked to see if anything looked suspicious in the direction they were heading.

There were some mysterious disappearances in a town not that long of a drive away from them and he decided it was probably worth a look. “I think I’ve got something,” he said.

“Yeah? What is it? Where?” Dean asked.

“There’s a small town in Indiana, and I think we can be there in time for dinner since it’s not too long of a drive. There’s been a series of disappearances and I think it's worth checking out.”

“Any idea what we might be dealing with? Ghost? Wendigo?”   
  
“They’re not going missing from the woods. Actually, they’re claiming alien abductions, which is highly suspect, but the disappearances are legitimate.”

"Then let's check it out. Where is it?"

"Elwood, Indiana."

* * *

Lucifer smirked down at the smote remains of the demon that had been torturing the youngest archangel. “Nice,” he said, with a glance at Michael, who had done the smiting. Gabriel was clinging to his side, but he wasn’t looking at Gabriel because he knew that Gabriel would be overwhelmed by the affection that seeing him injured was going to make him want to provide. So keeping his arm pressed to Gabriel’s back without looking directly at him again was the compromise.

Michael didn’t have the opportunity to respond, because an overwhelming force of divine grief brought the three archangels to their knees.

It took little effort for them to know that it was Raphael whose agony they felt. The archangels had always been the closest of any angels. With three in one place another elsewhere, it wasn’t even a process of elimination to determine who was in agony.

Michael went first, with Lucifer and Gabriel right behind him. Gabriel needed time more than he needed immediate medical attention, and wasn’t about to be left behind.

They found Raphael at the very center of their heaven. They were kneeling at the foot of the core of the tree of knowledge they had once propagated there. The tree was wilting, with a large slash of a burn mark right down the center.

Michael knelt beside Raphael, but he did not touch their sibling yet. “What happened?” he asked, quietly, while Lucifer continued studying the burn in the tree. “May I hug you?”

“My mate is gone,” Raphael whispered, brokenly falling into Michael’s open arms.

Michael pulled his sibling close, looking up at Lucifer and Gabriel with wide eyes. He’d never imagined that Raphael would find a mate, but for that mate to be missing? It was unheard of.

Lucifer knelt down as well, placing a hand on Raphael’s back, as they began to shake. “Where did you see them last? Was anything different?”

Raphael shook their head. “He was right here,” they whispered, staring at the still smoldering bark of the tree. “I was gone less than a minute, to answer a question a healer had, and when I came back, he wasn’t there,”

A sense of horror filled Michael, as he tried to comprehend what was happening. They were in Heaven, there was nowhere that someone would be able to hide for too long, and they were in the center of the Garden. None of the younger angels would dare to enter it, either from respect to the archangels and their part in its construction, or because of some odd notion that it belonged to them specifically, and that they would not be allowed in.

The thought that someone could have entered into the Garden, and stolen Raphael’s mate while they were away was not one that Michael wanted to dwell upon, but still one that he needed to consider. That, or Raphael’s mate was not as faithful as he had led them to believe, and had abandoned them.

He shared a glance with Lucifer, who nodded softly. They would need to ask Raphael about who their mate was, and search for more information about what had happened, but not right now.

Right now, they needed to comfort Raphael, and see about helping Gabriel feel more comfortable after everything he’d been through. Speaking of Gabriel….

“Come, Raphael, let’s see about getting somewhere that Gabriel can rest. His wings are all out of order, and I know that you’re the best at sorting his wings.” He spoke softly, glancing pointedly at Gabriel, who quickly shook his wings this way and that, causing his feathers to fall out of alignment, as if Lucifer hadn’t just finished coaxing them into some semblance of order.

“Yeah, Raph, I know you wanna get your hands on these bad boys!” Gabriel grinned, though Michael could still hear the way his voice shook. He clearly needed rest, and as Michael felt Raphael stiffen, he knew that they could tell.

He gently helped Raphael to stand, unsurprised when Gabriel rushed to hug them, nearly sending the pair back onto the ground. Lucifer was smiling, even as he moved closer, helping to steady them.

“The old nest should still be intact, we can all rest there,” Lucifer murmured, and Michael nodded.

They could worry about what was going on with Raphael’s mate later. Right now, they needed to ensure that their siblings were safe, and to reestablish the bonds that had been between them all.

* * *

There was little more that Dean loved more than driving.

Being behind the wheel of his beloved Impala, nothing around for miles but the open road, clear skies, and his brother beside him.

And that was the one thing he loved more than driving. Being back with his brother.

He’d missed his brother  _ so much _ in the time that he’d been trapped in the cage, and having Sam’s soulless body hadn’t been right. It had looked like Sam, walked and mostly talked like Sam, but it hadn’t been  _ Sam _ .

Having Sam back was the absolute best thing to ever happen to Dean. It was better than any memories of his mom’s cooking, better than the scant amounts of praise that his dad had given, and better even than the endless support that Bobby had given him through the process of getting his GED as a teen.

Hell, he’d been happy enough to have Sam back, that he broke his own rule, and let Sam pick the music for the drive. God knew he deserved to be able to pick the music after having been in the Cage with two furious archangels.

All in all, it had been a very good day for Dean. He’d gotten his brother back, his baby was rolling down the roads with a familiar ease, and there was a new case waiting for them. It almost reminded him of the days when he had just gotten his driver’s license, and would take Sam wherever either of them wanted to go while their dad was busy working a case that he didn’t see fit to involve them in. It hadn’t happened often, but it had been often enough that he had a number of memories of those days, each of them more precious than the last.

Dean glanced in Sam's direction as his younger brother put the laptop in its bag and slipped it in the backseat.

"Who are we interviewing first?" he asked, hoping to draw Sam out of his thoughts.

"Sean Brennan. His son, Patrick, was the first to go missing, so I think we should start there." Sam rattled off an address. "He's an old watchmaker, who, get this, was on the verge of going out of business when his business suddenly picked up with an even higher quality of product. He's supposedly working alone, but, even more suspicious, a few months ago he was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. He shouldn't be capable of this level of craftsmanship."

Dean looked away so Sam couldn't see his smile. This was his little brother, the nerd. It was good to see Sam in his element, reciting all the relevant and irrelevant facts about the people involved in a case. Recommending Sam research in the car had been a wise choice. It got him out of his head and back where he belonged.

He switched cassettes. Sam had his opportunity to choose the music, and now they were going back to some good old Kansas.

* * *

Nobody died and Sam laughed at his glitter covered brother as he sat bewildered on the floor of old man watchmaker's work room.

At some point, it had been explained that all the disappearances had been a joke by the fairies. One in bad taste, but a joke nonetheless. Their last victim had been Dean, as repayment for making fun of them throughout the case, but even that had been nothing more than a short chase through a cornfield, and being brought back to Sam, covered from head to toe in glitter.

Not just glitter though.

It was all shaped like tiny, anatomically accurate, sparkly dicks.

Dean was scowling at Sam, but he couldn't bring himself to do or say something that might bring an end to Sam's laughter. He had spent too long believing he would never hear the sound again, and too long after that listening to his soulless brother's vile laughter at things in poor taste.

At least he could say that if their positions were reversed, he would also be doubled over in laughter.

* * *

Sam laid in bed, staring at his sleeping brother. He'd been back for less than 72 hours and already he was dreading going back to sleep.

He kept dreaming about someone whose face he couldn't see, someone he missed with a longing more intense than anything he'd felt before, and he had no idea why.

There was something else, too. Dean hadn't seen it yet, but there was a necklace around his neck with a ring on it. It was a beautiful silver ring, but he couldn't read the writing on it, nor could he remember where it had come from.

Nor could he remove it.

Despite his inability to recall where it had come from, deep down, he didn't  _ want _ to remove it. He'd remember eventually, and with both eyes open, he'd make the decision of whether or not to keep it.

Even more surprising than either of these things, was the absence of Castiel. Sam had not seen him yet, not once since his soul had been returned,  _ something he assumed Castiel to be responsible for _ , and a small part of him wondered at what might be keeping him away.

  
_ A very small part of him, of which he was ignoring the existence of, was swearing vengeance on Castiel.  _ He was refusing to acknowledge that part of himself. Mostly for Dean's sake.

* * *

_ Sam and a figure he could not see clearly but who was standing next to him, were standing on top of the highest peak Sam had ever seen. To the left, they could see the ocean and soft beach where they had started their morning hike. To the right, a mild canyon desert they had visited before, though not today. _

_ Between them, there was a large forest. It was their forest. Even from so far away, Sam could see the waterfall he thought of as their home. They didn't need a physical house here. The weather was always perfect, and a home was the people who were important to you. _

_ No one else had ever been more important to him. _

_ They had hiked through the forest to get here, and though it had taken a long time, Sam was pleased by how much time it meant they'd been able to spend together. _

_ They pointed towards something far away in the horizon. "See that?" they asked. It was a peak farther away than they had ever taken Sam. "That's the very edge of this world." _

_ Sam could see identical peaks in each of the cardinal directions, and he realized that this was the geographical center. "Your creation?" Each peak likely represented the border between other areas. _

_ "My Everything, with you here, this is not just my Heaven. This is my Eden." _

_ "It is?" Sam knew that the original Eden could not have held such positive connotation with them, after everything that had happened there, and could only hope they had not used such word choice only for his benefit. _

_ "I wish that it were tied to your existence and will as it is to mine, that it can also be your Eden." _

* * *

Dean knew that there was something wrong with Sam. For the last few days, any time he had fallen asleep, he had woken up in tears, trying his hardest to keep from crying out for whatever was putting him in such a state.

He wanted to try and help, to ask him what he needed to do to make things better, but every time he tried, it never went the way he wanted it to. He wanted to be able to sit and talk with Sam the way that his brother clearly needed, but he would always trip over his words, and get frustrated with himself.

He’d had to stop trying to have those conversations with Sam a long time ago because of it. All he’d ended up doing was hurting their relationship. And yeah, not talking had caused its own damage too, but what else could he do?

When his options were to talk, and break their relationship, or stay quiet, and let their relationship fall apart slowly, there wasn’t much he could do.

Hell, Sam was three feet away, trying to stifle his sobs, and here Dean was, just laying in bed, because he didn’t know what to do.

* * *

"More disappearances?" Dean asked when Sam explained what he had found for the next hunt. "What if it's more fairies? I hate fairies!"

"It won't be more fairies," Sam promised. "I think this is going to be more nefarious than fairies."

There was a moment of silence, before Dean groaned. "I  _ know _ you didn't just do that intentionally."

Sam rolled his eyes tiredly, but he must have found some humor in Dean's words as his lips quirked up just a little. "Anyway, these legitimate disappearances have not been covered up as alien abductions. The oddest thing though is the spider silk they've been finding outside town."

"Spider silk?"

"I think I know what that might be from, hold on." Sam reopened his inbox. He was about to sort for the old case information he remembered seeing about Bristol, Rhode Island, but before he could enter the search, a new email appeared in his inbox. It looked like more porn spam, except the subject line was, "Be kind to yourself."

He deleted the message unread out of habit and found what he was looking for. "A few months back, someone killed an arachne that had kidnapped some people, but the bodies were never found. It's possible some propagation occurred, or that there was more than one to begin with."

"How many spider monsters can there possibly be?"

* * *

Raphael was laying in a nest, surrounded by their siblings.

Gabriel was curled into their chest, his wings spread wide, and wrapped around Raphael, who had their own wings wrapped around him in return. On either side of them, Michael and Lucifer were there, their wings covering both Gabriel and Raphael, enveloping both of them with a sense of safety and warmth that Raphael had missed.

But something, no,  _ someone _ , was still missing.

There was a slight shifting, as Gabriel snuggled closer to Raphael. They sighed softly, burying their face into his hair, as they tried to keep from falling into the endless despair that the loss brought with it. How could they simply lay there, among their siblings, when their Everything had gone missing?

A soft hand stroked through one of their wings, and they could feel the hand gently smoothing down feathers that they hadn’t noticed had been out of place. They sighed, relishing the familiar contact. They’d missed their brothers  _ so much _ , but it still wasn’t perfect, and it wouldn’t be until their Everything had been returned to them.

They wanted him back,  _ needed _ him to be back with them.

“I’m gonna find him,” Gabriel whispered, and something in Raphael ached at their brother’s words. “No matter where he is, I’m gonna find him. I promise.”

Raphael took a shuddering breath, as they closed their eyes, trying to block out all the emotion. “I can’t feel him,” they gasped, as tears started to fall once again. “He’s just not there, even after everything I did to try and save him.”

There was a soothing sound from behind Raphael, as they were pulled further into the embrace of one of their older siblings.

“Hey, it’s alright. We’ll find him,” Lucifer was whispering, and Raphael felt him run his hands through their hair.

“How?”

Gabriel shifted again, nuzzling into Raphael. “Well, wherever he is, he’s probably on earth, since we can’t feel him here, and wherever he is on earth, he’s probably got an internet connection. And I just happen to know how to make sure that a message will get through, so he’ll see it wherever he is, and he’ll know you’re looking for him.”

Raphael liked the sound of that. There was nothing more that they wanted, than to know that their mate would know that they were looking for him, that they still wanted him there.

“I’m glad you two found each other,” Michael whispered, and Raphael felt their oldest brother’s hands on their wings. “We’d always hoped that you could find someone to spend life with, and he’s more than worthy of you.”

They smiled softly, feeling their face warm slightly. They’d always wanted to know for sure that their brothers would approve of their relationship, and now that they knew for sure, they wanted to tell them exactly why their mate had become their Everything.

“Tell us about him?” Gabriel was asking then, and Raphael felt themself relaxing further into the embraces of their siblings.

They wanted to tell them, wanted to share that part of their life with them. They’d been alone for  _ so long _ , and to be able to have a nice, calm conversation, even if most of it would be spent gushing over their mate, would be the greatest thing ever.

Raphael took a breath, to try and keep their emotions in check, so they would keep from feeling as if they would explode from the force of the emotion within them, as they began to speak. “He’s  _ perfect _ ,” they whispered, their smile growing as they continued. “He’s so sweet, always asking if I’m alright, wanting to know how my day has been, and endlessly curious about the most intricate details of creation.”

As they continued to speak, telling their brothers everything and anything that came to mind about their mate, they weren’t aware of the soft smiles that their older brothers shared above their head. They wouldn’t take notice of the way that Grace twisted around Gabriel’s fingers, as he searched for a way to lead Raphael’s missing mate back home to them.

That they would notice, however, was the unending love and support that their brothers surrounded them with, as they listened to their every word.

* * *

_ “This is the tree of knowledge,” Moonlight said. They were standing in the center of the forest of their creation, and it was beautiful. _

_ “The tree of knowledge of good and evil? The one that Adam and Eve ate from and got kicked out of Eden for?” Sam was sure he was supposed to recognize the tree. It looked real, not fantastical, but he couldn’t remember what kind of tree it was, if it still grew on Earth. He knew that he should. _

_ The tree was tall, stretching so far towards the sky that despite being mid afternoon, the light was more like late evening. He knew there was only one tree, but the massive hanging root structures that supported the endless leafy branches made the tree appear as though it had many trunks. The root system ran along the ground in all directions, and he could not see how far it might extend, only that they appeared to be in a forest of trees, rather than the single organism he knew that it was. _

_ “They didn’t get kicked out for eating from this tree. That wasn’t why they were in trouble.” _

_ Sam tilted his head, curious about the truth behind the myths that may or may not have ever had any roots in the historical record. _

_ “They were in so much trouble because they lied directly to God, even when their appearances gave away their actions. They would not have been kicked out of Eden if they had told the truth. Even after they lied, they would have been forgiven and allowed to stay if they had been honest about their actions and apologized. But they were stubborn and strong willed, and He could see their hearts, so they were banished.” _

_ Sam nodded, understanding. “And this tree?” _

_ “Humanity’s great belief is strong enough to change the fabric of reality and it affects both the past and the future because those of us who can travel the wavelengths of time are still who we’ve always been. One of the things they saw me as was the Healer, and while my place as a scholar was less documented, that doesn’t mean I’m not one, and one of the things I did was take a cutting from the original tree and grow it here. Eden is still the center of Heaven, but the tree no longer exists there and I could not bear to see it done away with. _

_ I did not realize it would continue to exist on Earth.” _

_ What did that mean? Sam wondered. If the plant still existed on Earth, and bore fruit, then it seemed unlikely that it could still provide knowledge of the sort described biblically, or it would be common knowledge and that wasn’t the case. _

_ "What does it do?" he asked. _

_ "Not much. Sometimes it provides enlightenment, but mostly it just serves as another food source for humanity. The metaphor in the way it grows is important too, but I didn't choose to grow it here for any of those reasons. I wanted to preserve it as a reminder of the way things used to be. I was so close to my family once, and this reminds me of the good." _

_ Sam could respect that. He wasn't sure where the good in the tree was, but he had kept something of sentimental value once for the same reason, despite what Dean's tossing of it had seemed to mean. _

_ The first visit to this place that he and Dean had taken had gone so wrong, but he knew why now, and he liked to think that all he shared with Moonlight made all his past experiences worth it. _

_ "Thank you for bringing me here," he said, reaching for Moonlight's hand. _

_ "Thank you for sharing this with me," they answered. They brought his hand up to their face and kissed it, and then they kissed his wrist, and his forearm, until they had pulled him into a firm hug and kissed his forehead. _

* * *

There ended up being more than half a dozen arachnes, and by the time they were done burning down the part of the forest they inhabited, Sam and Dean were both covered from head to toe in spider guts.

"I call dibs on the first shower," Sam said as Dean pulled blankets out of the trunk of the impala that were specifically for cases like this when they ended up covered in gross matter that could possibly defile his baby.

Dean wanted to object like he always objected, but from the way Sam was slouching dejectedly and yawning, he decided that the only thing worse than the way Sam was still constantly waking up from sleep sobbing would be him waking up sobbing while still coated in the spider guts.

So Sam took the first shower, and by the time Dean had finished his shower, he walked out of the bathroom to find Sam just beginning to stir, more tears falling down his face. With a sigh, he grabbed a cold water bottle out of the fridge and laid down next to his brother.

He almost wished Castiel was here, maybe the angel would be able to figure out what was wrong with his Sam.

* * *

In a far off corner of Heaven, where not even Raphael and Gabriel knew how to find them, Michael and Lucifer were laying together, holding each other so closely that if any were to see them, they wouldn't be able to tell which was which.

They had both shed their vessels, so as to more closely hold one another, as they had in The Cage. The experience of being locked within The Cage hadn’t been entirely negative for either of them. Well, once they were both there, at least. They’d been there for nearly three centuries, and it had given them more than enough time to make peace between themselves, as they had reconnected, redefining their relationship, and coming to terms with what had happened between them.

But for them to see Raphael so torn, so depressed, because someone had stolen their mate away from them, it was heartbreaking.

Both Michael and Lucifer knew how difficult it was to be apart from one’s mate, having been torn apart for millennia before being reunited, and they would not allow their sibling to suffer anywhere near as long as they had been forced to.

“I didn’t expect that Raphael would fall for Sam,” Lucifer admitted, his voice resonating through Michael’s grace.

“We always wanted them to be happy,” Michael mused, shifting to better wrap around Lucifer. “I’m glad that they found their happiness, even if we didn’t expect where it would come from.”

Lucifer sighed. “I know. I just…” he trailed off, moving impossibly closer to Michael, before he continued. “Father told me that the true vessels would be our perfect matches in every way, and I almost thought that…”

Michael understood. “You thought that they would join us, in some way.”

“I did,” Lucifer whispered, and Michael could feel a stab of shame through their intertwined grace. “I’m happy for Rafa, I really am, but for  _ so long _ , I thought that joining with Sam would fix everything, and everything would be perfect. And now, it feels like that hope has been shattered.”

Not sure what else to do, Michael pushed all the feelings of love and affection that he could towards his mate, trying to comfort him. “It’s ok,” he soothed, tightening his hold on Lucifer. “Rafa finding love in Sam doesn’t mean that your hope is gone. If anything, he’s still joining our family, just in a different way than we’d first thought.”

There was another sigh from Lucifer, as he basked in the warmth of Michael’s affection. “I know.” He was silent for a moment, closing his eyes as he struggled to find the right words. “It’s just going to take some time to come to terms with it, I think.”

Michael smiled softly, pushing more love towards Lucifer. “And I’ll be here for you, every day, until you find a way to be happy with whatever comes.”

A moment passed, and Michael felt Lucifer returning the feelings of love and warmth along their bond. “I love you, Michael.”

Michael’s smile grew, and he shifted, making them more comfortable in their nest. “I love you too, Lucifer. Ever since Father first placed you in my arms, I have loved you, and I always will.”

If they were still within physical forms, Michael was certain that Lucifer would have been blushing. It was a story that Michael had told Lucifer before, how within moments of his creation, their father had placed Lucifer in Michael’s arms, the very first older brother of all creation immediately enamored by the small being. While he loved all of his other siblings, from Raphael and Gabriel to the very youngest fledgling, Lucifer had always been special. Their relationship had been one that was slow to build, as they had been among the first to discover a love beyond that of family, and their father had not helped them to understand the new feelings that had filled them.

It had been Michael’s hope that all of his siblings would find someone to share such a love with, and for Raphael to have found it in Sam made the core of his being rejoice. Lucifer’s conflicted emotions on the matter did bring some sorrow, but he knew that his mate would be happy for their sibling regardless.

* * *

“Small plane crash kills two,” Sam reads from a paper that had popped up on his radar. 

Dean tapped the steering wheel, once, twice. “And?” Wrecks happened. Not very frequently, but often enough, so there must have been a specific reason Sam was reading it aloud. There must have been something supernatural about it or it wouldn’t be worth their time.

“There were no bodies in the wreck. The pilot was found 17 miles from the crash,  _ flambeed _ . The girl is just…. Gone.”

“The girl didn’t kill him and take off?”

Sam shook his head. “No human could have done that. It’s definitely supernatural. The other thing is, if she had been in that plane when it landed, she’d be dead.”

“Is that the only disappearance?” Dean asked. “Wait, what is it with you and disappearances? That’s all we’ve investigated this month.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “It is what it is. Anyway, no, she’s not the only one who disappeared this week. On Tuesday, a girl disappeared from her room on the 17th floor of her apartment, and the day before yesterday, a girl didn’t make it home from school.”   
  
“Okay,” Dean said, deciding that maybe there was something suspicious about this. “They know each other?”   
  
“No connection. Just young and female.”

Dean nodded, and hit play on the cassette player. They quietly listened to Sundance, with the occasion tapping on his keyboard coming from Sam, until awhile later, Sam said, “I think it’s dragons.”

"Dragons don't exist, Sam."

Sam was beyond exhausted. He was still continuing to dream about someone he knew he was supposed to love beyond words, yet he never saw them until moments before he awoke and he could not place them.

They were not wet dreams, but they were the closest thing to one that he'd ever experienced, especially featuring someone specific he didn't remember knowing in real life.

They felt like the date nights he had never had, but always wanted.

And now they were going to fight about the next hunt.

He knew he was right about the dragons. He also knew Dean would fight about it all the way up until they slayed the dragons and possibly even beyond that.

* * *

_ It was an early sunrise over the ocean and the stars behind them had not yet faded into the light of day. The sun was rising in the west, and Moonlight was barefoot.  _ Moonlight was always barefoot.

_ Sam was wearing hiking sandals, but the sand he could feel in his toes was not an annoyance. If anything, he might even take his sandals off, to better enjoy the entirety of the morning. The sand was soft and the scent of the saltwater was a pleasant change from the norm. _

_ Moonlight was to his back, arms wrapped around him as they pulled him against their soft body. “I cannot think of any better way to spend eternity, than to spend it with you,” they whispered, before leaning to gently kiss his cheek. _

_ “I think this is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time,” he agreed, closing his eyes as he turned to kiss Moonlight. The taste of peppermint, with a hint of citrus that they had been sharing on the way to the beach, was as familiar and comforting as ever, and he found himself smiling into the kiss, even as Moonlight turned him to embrace him fully. _

_ There was no way of truly knowing how long they stood there, holding each other, and softly kissing, enjoying a quiet moment alone. Sam had no idea how long they would be able to share this, but in some quiet part of his mind, he hoped that it would never end. _

Sam awoke, tears streaming down his face. He could feel the lingering dream kisses, his mouth tasting of peppermint and petrichor, and he sobbed.

* * *

When Sam was sure Dean had everything under control, he asked to borrow the impala to follow a lead, with as little explanation as he could get away with, and freedom gained, he drove all the way to the Oregon Coast.

He  _ needed  _ to see the ocean with the sun over it, and put his feet in the sand. He never remembered all the details of the dreams he’d been having, but he could still recall the taste of saltwater mingled with peppermint and citrus.

He pulled one of the peppermints out of his pocket and put it in his mouth. It was too strong to fully mimic what he could recall, or bring back further memories from any of his dreams. He felt that he was rapidly reaching the point of manic where he would throw all reason to the wind and dismantle the wall in his head brick by brick. The suspicion of it hiding torture and pain from the cage were dwindling with every dream that seemed to be only of the very romantic trysts he’d always wanted. With the same individual, some Moonlight he couldn’t  _ remember _ .

He wondered that the worst that could happen was that the torture had been one such relationship, ruthelessly torn away from him. Would they have tortured him emotionally as he felt now? Or maybe this was the torture.

With a shudder, he pulled the car into the parking lot and scrambled out of the car.

He was overwhelmed by the strong stench of saltwater and dead fish. This wasn't what he remembered. What he was looking for. He stepped over the embankment towards the ocean. He could hear the gentle lapping of the waves against the shore.

It was cold, and as the sun was setting over the ocean, tears formed in his eyes. This was wrong, all wrong. Of course the sun was setting over the west facing ocean, but he  _ knew _ he'd seen a sunrise, was supposed to be seeing a sunrise.

He took off his shoes and socks, desperate for the sand to feel like he remembered. But this sand was far from soft. If anything, it was sharp. He took a step, and then another, and then a sharp pain shot up his leg.

Looking down, there was already blood, and he found a large cut on the bottom of his foot from a piece of glass someone had littered.

With a growl, he trekked back to the car. This wasn't the right place. Not at all. But that didn't mean he couldn't find it.

After quickly wrapping a bandage around his foot, he jumped back in the driver's seat of the impala and started driving south, hopping onto hwy 101. He drove, no destination in mind, other than finding the soft sand beach with a west facing sunrise.

* * *

_ He and his Moonlight were lying on a blanket on the beach, and he was pressed against Moonlight's chest. _

_ The evening sun was stretching into the trees, so the reds and pinks over the ocean were soft colors he could have stared at all night. _

_ "I love you so much," he whispered into Moonlight's chest. _

_ Moonlight rubbed his back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You are my everything," they said, solemnly. "I love your more than I've ever loved anything." _

_ Sam thought he should have been embarrassed by the amount of affection being offered, but he wasn't. He felt humbled by the fact that such a divine being was capable of loving him so much. He'd spent so long wondering if he was unlovable, but this… this proved he  _ wasn't.

_ He closed his eyes, and allowed himself to be enveloped by the soft light of their grace. It felt like being hugged by the moon. _

* * *

Sam was sobbing on the side of the highway, and he couldn't remember getting there. He had a good view of the ocean on his right, just barely illuminated by the sun rising to his left, and he wanted to scream at the injustice.

"Cas, Castiel!" he shouted, screamed. "What the Hell did you do to me!" Dean had said that someone had returned his soul, had brought him back and put up the wall to protect him from the memories of whatever torture he'd endured at the hands of two angry archangels. The only being he could think of that would do that was Castiel, but why? Castiel had never showed that he cared about him, so he’d clearly only brought him back for Dean.

But, what was the point of blocking whatever had supposedly happened in hell?

There were two archangels in the cage, sure, but he wasn't dreaming about either of them and definitely had no indication that either of them had done anything to him.

Instead, his heart felt like it was breaking. Whoever it was, he  _ loved _ the individual he was dreaming about. Loved them more than  _ anything _ , and he highly suspected, was practically  _ praying _ , that once the wall was gone, he would really remember who they were.

"I know you never answer prayers from me, but I need answers, Castiel! Get down here!"

Castiel appeared in the passenger seat. Sam hadn't been expecting it, but it would have meant more if seeing Castiel didn't cause the throbbing in his heart to  _ worsen _ .

"What. Did. You. Do," he growled, wincing and shaking and trying so hard not to start sobbing again, but he couldn't help it.

"I returned you to your brother." Castiel stared at him, unblinking, and Sam wasn't sure what the angel was looking for in his examination.

"From where?" Sam didn't really care, but he knew it had to be asked. "Because if my dreams of fantastical beaches and forests and the kind of romance I've always wanted is any indication of truth I can't remember, I'm pretty sure you told Dean a pretty huge lie."

Castiel continued staring, offering nothing.

"I wonder what'll happen when I tear down the wall you put in my head." He held up the ring around his neck. "I wonder if I'll remember the name of the one who gave this to me." Brokenly, he whispered, "I wonder if they'll still want me, after all this."

Castiel blinked. " _ They _ ?"

Sam shrugged. "Those are their preferred pronouns, are they not?"

The angel blinked again. "Yes, but how do  _ you  _ know that?"

Sam's eyes widened. "You know who they are, their name." He lunged for Castiel's collar. " _ Who _ ."

A moment later, Sam was in a room with Dean Winchester, and Cas was gone.

"Cas!" Sam screamed into the void. "Cas, get your feathery behind back here and tell Dean what the fuck you did!"

Nothing. There was nothing. There was no answer, because there had never been any answers, and he still didn't have a true name for  _ his mate. _

"Sam?" Dean was beyond concerned, and Sam knew that he was supposed to feel bad about that, but he just  _ couldn't _ .

  
Dean hugged him, and it felt nice, so nice, but it was all  _ wrong _ . Someone else was supposed to be here, hugging him. But they weren't, and he couldn't even remember their fucking name, and if Castiel had his way, he'd never ever see them again.

* * *

It had taken a long time for Dean to get Sam settled into sleep. But first he'd made Sam explain what the Hell was going on, and he had. It had taken awhile, but Sam had eventually explained that he didn't think he'd ever been tortured in the cage, and wasn't even sure that he'd been in the cage to begin with. He dreamed of someone whose mutual love was so ingrained into his soul that he knew their pronouns and the nicknames they'd had for each other, but not their real name. And Castiel was keeping it from him.

Dean wasn't sure who Sam could have gone and fallen in love with, but he decided that if it was real and not some terrible mental torture, he'd support Sam's choices. Just like he always had.

He paced the length of the motel room, not knowing what else to do. He’d known for basically forever that Sam was pan, and how could he not? He was the one that had been there for Sam as he went through puberty and the difficult maze that had been attraction, especially with John Winchester hanging over them both.

Eventually, he found himself sitting on the bed next to Sam, brushing some of the hair away from his face as he sighed. “Whoever it is that earned your love like this, they better be deserving of it.” He didn’t care who it was. Angel, demon, human, anything else, it didn’t matter to him. As long as whoever it was had a focus on keeping Sam safe and happy, that would be good enough for Dean.

Maybe after he gave them the shotgun talk though. He’d never had to give it before, but he was pretty sure that he’d be able to do it. Maybe Bobby could help?

But that was a thought for another day, when Sam was happy, and they’d found his mystery lover. Until then, he’d keep supporting Sam as best as he could.

* * *

For the first time since Castiel had shoved his soul back into his body, there was no dream, and that was even worse than the fact that he’d been having the heart breaking dreams for weeks now.

There would have been something to hold onto, now that he knew that at the very least, the person he’d been dreaming about  _ existed. _ But what if calling Castiel had given the angel the opportunity to take even that away from him?

Tears pooled in his eyes, and as he saw Dean sleeping in the other bed, he knew he had to at least try to calm down before he spiraled out of control.

His laptop was lying on the table, so he decided to take a quick look and see what new emails he might find. If only finding his mate could be so easy as finding new hunts. But he would have done it already if it was.

There was nothing useful, which he should have come to expect, except there was yet another random spam email that was less indicative of porn and something else instead. The subject line of this particular one was, “Be patient with yourself today!”

He sighed, still resisting the urge to scream, as he deleted it. If he tried to be patient with himself, he’d just end up in the spiral he needed to avoid for Dean’s sake. Shaking his head, he closed the laptop down, and wrote a quick note that he was going for a walk and would be back soon.

He walked about three blocks and then turned a corner into a dark alleyway.

There was a figure standing there, but he couldn’t see them clearly. And then there was nothing.

* * *

Raphael had been with Gabriel, walking through one of the many halls of heaven when they heard it.

A great disturbance, followed by the sounds of numerous shouts, as a blur shot across the sky.

Immediately, Raphael burst into action, flying after the angel, to make sure that everything was alright. While the rumors of civil war were largely unfounded, that didn’t stop there from being small pockets of violence from cropping up. If there was a chance that the disturbance had been caused by that angel, or they were fleeing from it, then Raphael wanted to ensure that it wouldn’t spread.

As if they had heard Raphael, the angel turned around, eyes widening before they flew even faster.

It was Castiel, the one angel who had actively opposed Raphael at every step. A rage began to grow within Raphael, as a dark suspicion began to build within them. Could the seraph had been so daring, so cruel, as to have stolen their mate from them, to try and spark the civil war? Or, had he thought to steal their mate, their  _ Everything _ , to try and gain the favor of the human he had abandoned his family for?

They needed to know.

And so, Raphael took off after him, flying faster than they had in centuries. They would not allow Castiel to evade them, not when he was likely the only one who would be able to tell them where their mate was. They fought to keep up with Castiel, trying their hardest to overtake him, not willing to allow him to escape them.

They would not allow him to continue on unpunished for what he had done.

With a final, powerful flap of their wings, they were able to catch the back of Castiel’s coat, yanking him closer as they dragged him down towards the ground, so as to  _ finally _ get the answers that they needed so desperately.

The pair landed with a crash, and Raphael moved to pin Castiel to the ground, preventing him from being able to escape as they glared down at him. “Let me be  _ very _ clear with you,” the archangel snarled at the seraph they had  _ finally  _ found, after so many months of uncertainty and fear. “You are going to take me to my mate, and I  _ might  _ spare your life.”

“Why should I do that?” Castiel snarled back. “He doesn’t remember who you are, and I’m sure the wall in his mind can be repaired, and I’ll do it. Once the dreams stop, the memories will fade the rest of the way and these last few weeks will become nothing more than a slightly unpleasant time period that is nothing more than a bad memory.”

“You’re not going to do that, you’re bluffing,” Raphael decided. “You want what’s best for Sam and Dean both, I assume, and that’s just not what’s best for Sam.”

“How do you know that? How can you prove it? Our interest in them and their family has brought them nothing but pain.”

Raphael blinked. “You know nothing about angelic mating rituals, do you? Sam's soul is bonded to my  _ grace _ . You think the wall you created is going to keep him hidden from me for much longer? Erasing my name from his mind is only going to hold for so long. My grace is already burning for his return, but how do you think the ever more powerful soul will take the extended separation?”   
  
“So break it,” Castiel demanded. “Let him go.”

“Sam holds the key, and will continue doing so for as long as  _ any  _ part of him desires to do so.” Raphael raged, wanting nothing more than to smite Castiel then and there, but they couldn’t. Not yet, at least. They still needed to know one more thing. “Why are you even doing this? I do want what’s best for Sam.”

“You kept Sam for yourself. You were going to keep him here forever, and Dean would have never seen him again!”

Raphael saw red, and they felt their grace flaring in their fingers, itching for revenge against the one who had stolen Sam away from them. “That’s not true! Tell me, when Sam first arrived, do you have any  _ idea  _ how flayed his soul was? Not even from any torture my older brothers might have done, because they didn’t hurt him, not even a little, but just from his saying yes to Lucifer, and everything he’s been through even before that. I’m a Healer, Castiel! I couldn’t have released him into his personal Heaven looking like that. So I set to work healing him, so he could finally  _ rest _ .”

“Why would you bother to care about him? You’re just-”   
  
“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you, Little Brother.”

Castiel turned, shocked that it was not Raphael who had spoken, but Gabriel. “You’re… you’re alive?”

“Yeah, I’m alive. No thanks to you, though.” Gabriel shrugged, before moving closer, kneeling beside Raphael, and staring down at Castiel. “But I’m not holding any grudges. You see, I’m here because you took something that doesn’t belong to you. So, you’re going to spill the beans about where Sam and Dean  _ are,  _ and pray that Sam’s soul doesn’t suffer any lasting damage from this little stunt you pulled, or I’m going to take it out of your flesh.” He paused then, thinking for a moment, before he pointed at Raphael. “Or, I might just let them go after you. They’d be well within their rights, and I’m not convinced that a little bit of smiting wouldn’t be good for you.”

“You’re just going to take him away from Dean again!” Castiel howled. “You can’t!”   
  
Raphael growled, the grace at their fingers growing hotter. “No, we’re not.”

Gabriel nodded in agreement, crossing his arms as he stared Castiel down. “Whenever Dean was to go to his heaven, Sam would have been more than welcome to visit, or even stay with his brother, when they were both ready. But you stole that choice away from him, and thrust him into a world that his soul was in no way ready for.”

“Did you even think about asking Sam what he wanted? Or maybe  _ talking  _ to me about Sam’s best interests?  _ Sam and I _ had already talked about options for returning him to his brother, once his soul was fully healed. One option we were considering was jumping back in time to a day or two after Stull Cemetery. Which would have been, you know,  _ sooner  _ than where you left him in the timeline.” 

“What about the part where his body was just wandering soullessly around Earth wrecking general havoc!” Castiel snapped.

“Which wouldn’t have happened, if  _ someone _ hadn’t tried to break into the cage.”

Castiel jumped at the new voice. “What are you doing here!” he shouted upon seeing Lucifer.

“I  _ was  _ wandering around Earth seeing if I could track down someone’s missing mate. But since you’re  _ here,  _ I didn’t want to miss out on all the fun.”

_ “Castiel! You moronic featherbrain! You’d better hurry up and get down here, Sam’s missing and if it’s because of what you did to him, I’m frying you in holy oil!” _

  
  
Gabriel smirked, but Raphael shook his head. “Gabriel, Lucifer, I think you two should stay here in case any trouble arises. I will go with Castiel to talk to Dean.” They cast a cold and stony glare at Castiel.  _ “Fly _ ,” they commanded.

* * *

Dean was pacing the motel room again. He had no idea when Sam had left, but he knew deep down that if his little brother had simply gone for a walk, he would have been back by now. He also hadn’t taken the Impala, which added to his worry because at least he could have trusted his baby to keep his little brother safe.

But no. Sam had gone on foot, and he wasn’t back yet, and he hadn’t taken his cell phone, or his laptop, and Dean was going to  _ throttle  _ the moron, as soon as he was sure Sam was safe and sound.

Fuck Castiel and whatever the angel had done to send his baby brother running. They were  _ supposed  _ to be past this, and yet at every turn they were going ten steps backwards,  _ at least _ .

He turned around. One second he was alone in the room, and the next, he was not.

Before him stood Castiel, and a figure he did not recognize.   
  
“Where is Sam?” the figure behind Castiel asked.

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” Dean asked. “I don’t know where Sam is, he’s gone. I’m pretty sure it’s all Cas’ fault, too.” He paused for a moment, before looking closer at the figure. “Are you Sam’s Moonlight?”

They nodded as Castiel answered with, “Dean, this is Raphael.”

Dean realized almost as soon as Cas said that, exactly why Cas had said that. Cas was banking on Dean not wanting Sam to be with Raphael for his own reasons, if he didn’t agree with all of Castiel’s reasons. But Dean decided that since the five minutes he and Castiel had been with a holy fire contained archangel had not necessarily been a long enough opportunity to really get to know the guy, and because he was trying to support a completely and utterly infatuated Sam, that he would at least  _ try  _ to find whatever it was that Sam had seen in the archangel.

Besides, if Raphael was here of his own volition and  _ not  _ smiting him for that thing awhile back, then he could also be civil.

“Why don’t we start with what Sam can’t remember?” Dean finally said, motioning towards the small table where they could all sit down. “Because the only coherent thing I got from him is that he’s been dreaming about date nights with one ‘Moonlight’ and he’s completely and utterly lovesick.” He stared at the archangel for a moment. “If you break his heart, I  _ will _ find a way to kill you.”

Raphael nodded. “I wouldn’t dream of hurting Sam. I love him very much, and his happiness and his health means more to me than anything else in existence.”

Dean nodded. So Raphael was a lovesick  _ sap  _ too. That probably explained some of the change in attitude. “So he was in Heaven with you, until Castiel stole him away and put his soul back in his body, which until that point was wandering around soulless and wrecking havoc.”

“It wouldn’t have been wandering soulless if Castiel had not attempted to break into the cage to retrieve Sam. Sam was never in the cage, Lucifer allowed his soul to ascend before the cage closed again.”

“Why would Lucifer do that?” That definitely didn’t fit with what he would have expected. Then he stared at Castiel. “Wait… If you broke into the Cage looking for Sam, how do you know that you didn’t allow Michael and Lucifer to escape?”

“The Cage had an automatic release lock set for a time when Michael and Lucifer were no longer fighting and willing to work together like brothers again. Upon finding out that a demon was torturing Gabriel, they were more than happy to work together.”

“Gabriel’s  _ alive _ ?!” Dean shrieked, and then a moment later, “Michael and Lucifer are free?! Sam’s sacrifice meant nothing?!”

“Dean,” Raphael’s voice was soft, sending with it waves of calming energy. “None of what you and Sam sacrificed was in any way meaningless. You both carry the scars of what was done to you, and when it is your time to pass on, you will have more than earned your eternal rest.”   
  


“You’re going to take Sam and leave.” He already knew what choice Sam would make, if asked. He’d already made it. He’d made it every single day since he’d returned, even if he hadn’t realized it. “You’re gonna take him, and I’m never gonna see him again.”

He didn’t hear Raphael’s answer, if there was one, over the sound of his beating heart. Dean couldn’t breathe. He tried to inhale, or exhale, but his lungs wouldn’t work. His chest hurt, and it felt like he was choking. Or suffocating. He was going to die, right here in front of Castiel and the archangel of healing, and they still didn’t know where Sam was.

“It’s going to be okay,” Raphael said, releasing a calming aura towards Dean, as they moved closer to him, kneeling before him. “I’m not taking Sam permanently away from here, that’s not what I want, and that’s not what he wants, and I’m certainly not taking him away from you. He needs to rest and heal, but so do you, and I’m more than willing to grant it to you.”

“I can go with you?” Dean managed, barely able to keep himself from crying.

“Of course you can,” Raphael smiled, placing a hand over Dean’s. “You two are connected, bound together to the depths of your souls. There is nothing that I, or any of my siblings, could ever do that would break that bond. You’ve always found a way back to each other, no matter how far apart you may have been, and that is something that  _ nothing _ , either in Heaven, or Hell, or any other world, can change.”

After a moment, Dean nodded softly. The whole time, the one thing that had scared him most was the possibility of losing Sam, and never being able to get him back. But here Raphael was, a friggin Archangel, telling him that not only would he get his brother back, but he could go with him to Heaven. And if that wasn’t the best deal he’d ever get, he didn’t want to know.

“Ok,” he whispered, not wanting to accidentally say something and ruin things. “Let’s find him.”

Raphael continued smiling, as they watched the human before them struggle to gather himself. He would be in for quite the shock when he realized that they were serious, and that they fully intended on allowing the pair to stay together.

* * *

Raphael brushed Sam’s hair out of his face so that they could get a better look of Sam’s face. They had smote the djinn holding him captive, but they did not think of that now. Instead, they focused on getting a better look at Sam, and checking the health of his soul.

His soul had started unraveling from the unfinished edges of the healing they had put in, but they had not known that he would be torn away from them so easily. As they continued further restoration of it, they would not be so careless. Fortunately, it did not seem any more damaged than it had been when the two of them had first met, so they counted that as progress.

Dean had entered the room, and was quietly sitting with his back on a wall, while they waited for Sam to wake up again so they could leave. “Sam’s going to be okay, right?”

“Sam’s going to be just fine,” Raphael promised. He had no idea how long it would take, but it would happen. They had forever. “Should we go back to the motel? I’d like for us all to head to Heaven, after Sam wakes up, so he won’t be confused when he finds himself there.”

As Raphael had expected, Dean looked shocked. The poor human truly thought so little of himself, just as Sam did. Regardless, they looked forward to showing him just how worthy of rest he was.

“Yeah… thank you.” Dean managed, even as a slight fear of being tricked began to grow within him. “I should pack my things.”

Raphael nodded and carefully flew them all back to Dean’s motel room. 

Dean started moving around the room, gathering the items within that clearly belonged to either him or Sam, but Raphael didn’t pay much attention to him. All their attention was on Sam, their  _ Everything _ , who was finally back in their arms again.

It had been six months. Six long, agonizing months, where they hadn’t known where their mate was. Six months of feeling like their very being was being torn apart, like another moment of separation would cause their death. But here he was, finally returned to them, and for the first time in six months, they felt content.

About the time Dean was finishing his packing, Sam blinked sleeping. “Moonlight?” he whispered, not sure that he believed his eyes.

“I’m right here, Sam, I promise. I’m right here, and I won’t let anything take you away again.” They swore, smiling down at Sam, as they looked him over. “How are you feeling?”

Sam yawned, shifting closer to Raphael, as if to reassure himself that they were really there. “Pretty good, mostly just tired. But my foot is killing me.”

“May I look?”

The human nodded, so Raphael carefully removed Sam’s boots to get a better look at why one of them might hurt. He found the problem with very little trouble, as one of Sam’s feet was incredibly swollen. He destroyed the sock so that he could take it off as gently as possible, and then removed the very soiled bandage around what seemed to be an infected cut on the bottom of Sam’s foot. “Do I want to know why there’s a cut on the bottom of your foot?”

“Shard of glass, out on the beach,” Sam answered. “Wasn’t worth it. I didn’t find a west facing sunrise.”

Raphael winced. They had a pretty good idea why Sam might have been looking for one of those, and there were plenty of good reasons Sam wouldn’t find one of Earth, starting with the fact that Earth’s rotation around the sun specifically necessitated an eastern sunrise. Raphael’s Heaven had no such restrictions, and the sun rose wherever and from whatever location they wanted it to. They had just loved Sam’s awe and delight at western sunrises over the ocean.

Apparently their repetition of that had led to further suffering on Sam’s part, and they couldn’t help but regret that.

“Not your fault,” Sam said. “I wasn’t paying enough attention.”

Raphael knew that Sam was just trying to make them feel better, but they smiled at him and healed his foot. Sam’s sigh of relief pleased them, but they still wished he hadn’t been in pain to start with.

“I’d like to take you back to Heaven, Sam, and I’d like to bring Dean with us.”

Sam nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” He yawned, pressing closer to Raphael’s side. “I love you, Moonlight. I missed you so much.”

Raphael kissed Sam’s forehead as their mate seemed to go back to dozing. “I love you too, My Everything,” they whispered below Dean’s range of hearing. “Dean, are you ready to go?” Once Dean had nodded, they flew to the main area of Heaven. They didn’t believe their Heaven was fit for visitors in the state it was in.

They were unsurprised, when within moments of entering the gentle, peace filled atmosphere of Heaven, Dean’s soul had recognized it’s safety, and had immediately caused the human to fall asleep. Such a thing was rather common, as far too many humans had experienced far too many troubles in their lives, and the Winchesters had been through even more than even those humans.

What had been slightly surprising, however, was Michael appearing to catch him. “Welcome back, Raphael,” their older brother greeted, smiling at them. “I see you found another human in need of rest and healing.”

Raphael smiled back at their brother, nodding softly. “I have,” they confirmed, as they reached out their grace to brush against Michael’s. “Perhaps I should have looked in on him, to see if he was in need of the same rest as Sam was.”

Michael sighed then, as his grace shifted to fully embrace Raphael’s. “Maybe, but we can’t change things. All we can do is make things better for them, both now, and in the future.”

They both stood there for a moment, sharing in the comfort that they had both missed so greatly, before Michael breathed a soft sigh. “They both need somewhere to rest. Where do you want to take them?”

Raphael paused, considering their options. The Heaven that they had shared with Sam had fallen into disrepair within moments of his disappearance, but the Heaven that the two humans had been meant to share was not ready for them either. It wasn’t supposed to be ready for them for many more years, after they had both helped to save many more people, and had helped to show others how to help, where they could not. 

Even though they knew that it would not be the perfect place it could be, Raphael knew that there was only one place where they could bring Sam and Dean.

“To the Garden, where we all used to live.”

Michael nodded, smiling softly. “I know they’ll enjoy it there. And everyone avoids it, so they won’t be disturbed by those who may see fit to upset them.”

Raphael smiled, looking down at Sam. “He certainly enjoyed it. I hope Dean will as well.”

* * *

Lucifer was back in Raphael’s Heaven, studying the damage to the core of the tree of knowledge. He’d heard the good news that Raphael’s mate had been found, and had wanted to see if there was anything he could do about fixing this.

Raphael’s Heaven had not been just theirs, originally. In the beginning of the beginning, it had been the main space that had just belonged to all four archangels. No one else had ever dared to trespass onto it, and even God had stayed out of it. The fact that Castiel had kidnapped Sam  _ from right here  _ was blasphemous on so many levels.

But Castiel wouldn’t do it again. He’d been grounded to his own Heaven until Sam had been found, and once everything was in a little better shape, one of his reparations would be helping him and Michael restore the whole of Heaven to its righteous glory.  _ And he would not be leaving their sight for a very long time.  _ He was like a rebellious teenager, and his actions had seriously hurt someone important to them.

The archangels were the closest of any angels. Siblings in a way the others that followed had never been. For all intents and purposes, Raphael’s mate was their  _ brother  _ now. If Castiel had had trouble understanding why  _ Raphael  _ cared, he was going to have an even worse time understanding why Lucifer and Michael cared so much.

To an extent, he and Michael had both forgotten how to be big brothers. But rescuing Gabriel had awakened it, and now they had a lot of making up to do.  _ Michael was going to be unbearable, he could feel it. _

As far as the tree went, Lucifer had no idea what to do to fix it. He’d assumed Raphael had simply been too busy worrying about their mate to do so themselves, but now he wasn’t so sure. The space had clearly designated itself as Raphael’s Heaven, accepting that Michael, Gabriel, and himself had all moved on to an extent while allowing itself to grow with Raphael’s vision. Yet there was something about it that suggested it wasn’t  _ just  _ Raphael’s. But as he studied the tree and came to the realization that Castiel had not been the one to harm it, he realized that maybe it was something else altogether.

It had only been a few months on Earth since Sam had said yes at Stull Cemetery. But like Hell, Heaven ran at a significantly faster rate than Earth. Had Sam and Raphael been here long enough for this Heaven to recognize itself as also being of Sam? Or had it been less a time thing and more an extension of the fact that by angelic standards, Sam and Raphael were bound in marriage?

He didn’t have a long time to ponder that question, because almost moments after he felt Rapahel and others re-enter Heaven, the tree started moving. The burn mark down the center healed over, leaving fresh healthy bark in its place, and the wilting sections grew stronger, growing taller and healthier leaves both new and old within minutes.

It seemed that merely Sam’s presence in Heaven had restored the tree to its former glory. Lucifer was unsure of the implications of that, but he decided to leave those to someone else. As he turned around, he noticed what seemed almost to be a path opening. It was interesting, because while the area seemed to be made up of forest, he could tell that it was all one organism originating at this core. There were structures that held the appearance of more tree trunks, but were in reality only the root system supporting itself, but there was plenty of space to walk around as though in a forest. This seemed to be almost as though an entirely new path was opening, and his curiosity led him to following it.

The further he followed the path, the more new path developed, until he had come all the way to a river. This path connected to a bridge leading over a river and under a waterfall, and he noticed that the bridge had a T shape with a branch leading directly towards what had to be a cavern under the waterfall. He turned around, curious as to why the tree of knowledge wanted to lead him  _ here  _ of all places, and then he gasped.

The branches and roots closest to him were shifting and moving, as they grew into the shape of a building. Another blink, and there were doors and windows too.

All the angels and archangels were able to communicate to each other privately, regardless of distance, although he had been blocked out while he’d been in the cage. But no longer.  _ “Is your tree of knowledge supposed to be building a house next to the waterfall?” _

_ “Could you be more specific? There’s no structures in my Heaven.” _

  
_ “There is now a house. Two or three stories tall, bay windows, front door.”  _ Lucifer sent visual images of what he was looking at because there was no way he was going to be able to explain what was going on any more clearly.

* * *

Raphael brought the sleeping Sam, and Michael carried the sleeping Dean, and the two archangels settled the two humans into the brand new bed in the second story of the brand new house in Raphael's Heaven.

Raphael sat on the edge of the bed, touching Sam's face as though if they looked away, Sam would disappear. They wanted to start healing more of the damage to Sam's soul, but they wanted to wait until Sam woke up again, so they would not be preoccupied and miss Sam first waking up.

But finally, not all that long later, Sam finally stirred.

They pressed a gentle kiss to Sam's forehead. "Welcome home, my Everything. Welcome home."

“Rafa,” Sam mumbled, tears in his eyes as he blinked and saw Raphael lying beside him.

“Hey, there.” Raphael shifted so that they could more easily pull Sam into their arms. “How are you feeling?”

“Just tired,” Sam mumbled. “I’m so glad you’re real.”

Raphael brushed Sam's tears away with a finger, and then pressed a kiss to Sam's forehead. They were worried, but they didn't want to push Sam into explaining.

They didn't have to. Sam flushed, shifting slightly with embarrassment. "I'm such a mess," he whined. "I've been waking up in tears for weeks, dreaming about you. The wall is gone now so I remember everything, I thought it was supposed to stop."

Raphael pressed another kiss to Sam's forehead. "Healing is far from linear, and it's hard to say what lingering damage was caused first by the presence of the wall and then by the djinn ruthlessly dismantling it." They held Sam tightly. "I'm not going anywhere. I missed you far too much not to want to go back to waking up beside you."

"But I'm so embarrassing." Sam struggled, but it was unclear whether he was trying to get away or move closer.

"No, you’re not.” Raphael kissed their mate again. “You’ve been through a lot, and it’s okay.” They brushed a lock of hair away from Sam’s face. “May I touch your soul? I’d like to work on healing the edges again.”

Sam nodded. “Thank you.”

Their mate closed his eyes as Raphael gently ran their fingers through Sam’s hair, and then reaching further so they were almost touching Sam’s soul.

Human souls were as fragile as they were powerful. A single soul used improperly could easily nuke a continent, possibly even a good portion of Earth, but most humans could not access that part of themselves, and it was for the best. For that reason, an angel carelessly reaching in to touch a soul could cause them significant pain, but Raphael knew better. They were a healer, they knew exactly how to touch Sam’s soul in an almost indirect way, and then encourage it to heal. It was almost like hair-braiding, in a way, encouraging the fraying edges to weave back together.

Sam fell asleep in their arms, so they settled his soul and held him closely. They had missed this closeness they had not shared with anyone else. They would not lose Sam again. Raphael would not allow it.


End file.
